booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
