im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
