used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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