I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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