I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
