my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
