I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
