I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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