so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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