How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
