Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
