Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
