I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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