it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
