so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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