Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
