WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
