I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
