the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
God I need to hump something, right now.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
