either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
