just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
