jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
