the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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