I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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