They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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