So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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