my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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