P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
