I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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