You're a womanizer and a bitch.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
