I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
only if we run a train.
done.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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