I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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