i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
