No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
