Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
