Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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