Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
