I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
