Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
