I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
