I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
