god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
