Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
