got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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