Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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