She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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