So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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