Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
