He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
