it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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