if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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