Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize