this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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