You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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