how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
