Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
