We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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