I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She said her name was "party"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
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I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
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The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts