Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.