you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.