i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
